Sleep is a precious commodity that we all crave, and desperately need to give our minds and bodies the rest they need to function properly. But, as many couples will tell you, sharing a bed with a partner can sometimes turn it into a nightly battle.
She hogs the covers, he snores, he comes in late and wakes you up, she doomscrolls on her phone and the blue light keeps you up, they toss and turn and tell you they can’t sleep every 15 minutes or so – just as you’re on the verge of falling asleep – sound familiar?
Turns out the struggle to finding sleep harmony with your loved one is very real and a common issue.
I Love You But…
A study conducted by Sleepopolis surveyed 281 people and got some interesting insights into the most annoying sleep habits that arise when sleeping with a partner. From differing bedtimes to cover theft, and snoring, we’ll delve into the challenges couples face and provide expert recommendations to help you create a peaceful bedtime atmosphere with your partner.
Mismatched Sleep Habits : A Common Challenge
According to the Sleepopolis study, nearly 47% of respondents reported that they don’t have similar sleep habits as their partners. This finding underscores the reality that many couples have distinct preferences when it comes to bedtime routines and sleep patterns. These differences can range from being a night owl while your partner is an early bird, to variations in sleep positions, temperature preferences, or even mattress firmness choices.
For close to 40% of survey participants, the most annoying sleep habit when sharing a bed with their partner was having different bedtimes. Mismatched bedtimes can lead to disruptions and make it challenging for one partner to fall asleep while the other is still awake.
Expert Recommendation:
To tackle divergent sleep habits, communication is key. Openly discuss your preferences and find compromises that work for both partners. To address differing bedtimes, establish a bedtime routine that respects each partner’s schedule.
If you’re a night owl and they’re a morning lark, make sure everything you need to crawl into bed quietly is easily accessible, so you don’t wake them up when you finally decide to call it a day. Or, if your snoring is an issue, consider hitting the sack after your partner is sound asleep so your loud zzzzees don’t keep them from falling asleep.
Different Mattress Firmness Preferences
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If you and your partner can’t agree on the ideal mattress firmness, it might be time to consider a mattress with adjustable firmness. Memory foam mattresses allow each side of the bed to adapt to the weight and temperature of your body for optimal comfort and air-flow. This way, you can both enjoy the comfort you desire without compromising on sleep quality.
Expert Recommendation: Choose an Adjustable Firmness Mattress
When shopping for a new mattress, prioritize models with adjustable firmness options to ensure both you and your partner get a good night’s sleep.
Some great options include:
IYEE NATURE King Mattress, 14 inch Gel Memory Foam King Mattress in a Box, with CertiPUR-US Beds Mattresses Medium Firm Foam Mattress With over 10,000 ratings this mattress scored an average of 4.4 stars out of 5 and is Amazon.com’s overall pick for price and quality. The Iyee Nature king size mattress’ all-foam bed design combines expertise and the best materials with advanced sleep technology.
Memory foam is conducive to continuous airflow & breathable, and its skin-friendly fabrics adapt to the environment to keep the mattress surface at the ideal sleeping temperature. Its no-sink support foams adapt and conform to your body for optimal pressure relief and reduces motion transfer of a partner so your sleep is undisturbed. Its washable cover is definitely a plus.
FDW 12 inch Gel Memory Foam Mattress Medium Firm Mattresses for Cool Sleep Relieving Pressure Relief CertiPUR-US Certified Mattress in a Box (King) With over 13,445 ratings of 4.4 stars (out of 5) and higher, this is Amazon.com’s best selling King-sized pressure relief foam mattress. The gel memory foam mattress is made of 2.5” gel memory foam and 9.5”high density base support foam for ultimate comfort. Gel memory foam offers complete, luxurious and stress-free support. It keeps you cool during sleep and body-contouring memory foam reduces pressure points and properly aligns the spine.
Your Partner Snores Like a Freight Train
Snoring can be a major sleep disruptor for both you and your partner. To address this issue, you can try a variety of over-the-counter products such as:
Snoring Mouth Guard, Snoring Solution-Snore Stopper, Comfortable anti Snore Device to Help Men/Women Improve Their Sleep, Breathe Better – With over 3,500 ratings and an average of 4.5 of of 5 stars, this is Amazon.com’s choice for snoring solution. The mouth guard molds to the shape of your teeth and can help improve your sleep quality by keeping your airway open, helping you breathe more smoothly and prevent teeth grinding.
Asonor Snoring Nasal Spray Stopper Drops For Better Sleep – This snore relief spray has been specially developed to reduce snoring from the very first use. It opens up your throat and nasal passages and with regular use, allows for better breathing so you will no longer snore when you sleep or take a nap. This is not a one-size-fits-all sleep remedy. Only 49% of Amazon buyers gave it above 4 stars, but it’s worth a try.
Breathe Right Extra Strength Tan Strips Reduces Snoring – Ah, nasal strips. Do they work? They seem to improve breathing for about 75% of snorers who’ve tried them. Nasal strips open your nasal passages to reduce or even stop snoring and nasal congestion due to colds, allergies, or a deviated septum. Breathe Right nasal strips are made of flexible, spring-like bands that fit right above the flare of the nostrils. A sticky adhesive is used to lift the sides of the nose and open the nasal passages, makes it easier to breathe for a more restful night of sleep.
Expert Recommendation: Reduce Snoring by Adjusting Their Sleep Position
Encourage your partner to sleep on their side rather than their back, as this often reduces snoring. Additionally, elevating the head of the bed slightly can help.
If snoring persists even after you’ve tried using a mouth guard, nasal spray and/or nose strips, it could be the sign of a more serious issue such as sleep apnea, hypothyroidism or sinus issues. Consult your physician or a healthcare professional for advice on possible solutions, such as lifestyle changes or medical interventions.
You Run Cold, She Runs Hot
Alright, let’s talk about the classic “temperature tug-of-war” that goes down in many bedrooms. You know the drill: She’s having hot flashes that rival the heat of a thousand suns, he drank beer all night with his buddies and now he’s got the sweats, meanwhile, all you want to do is snuggle up under a warm and cozy comforter.
It’s like a scene out of a sitcom, right? But in real life, differing temperature preferences can turn bedtime into a battleground. So, how can you keep the peace and sleep comfortably together?
Expert Recommendation: Dual Zone Heating and Cooling Mattress
Imagine this: Each of you gets control over your side of the bed’s temperature. No more roasting or freezing your partner out! This dreamy solution comes in the form of dual zone heating and cooling systems.
For those chilly nights when you’re yearning for warmth, you can crank up the heat on your side. Meanwhile, your partner, who’s practically a human furnace, can keep their side cool and comfortable.
Top Selling Dual Zone Heating and Cooling Systems include:
King Size Electric Zoned Heated Mattress Pad Cover Dual Control, Heating Blanket with Timer – This king size mattress cover is equipped with dual controllers programmed with adjustable 1-12 hours auto shut off functions. Its temperature management system is designed with 10 heat settings. But, “I’m too hot!”, you say. This heating mattress pad is also a cooling pad. It’s designed with a ventilated top surface which is highly breathable to help you get rid of hot flashes when you sleep. And finally, this pad comes with a deep pocket fit for mattresses up to 15 inches, it is machine washable, and the controller cord length makes it more flexible for you with 6ft power cord and 13ft controller cord. 77% of buyers gave this mattress pad 4.6. stars out of 5.
The YUGYVOB King Size Mattress Topper, Cooling Gel Infused Mattress Topper,7 Zone Egg Crate Foam, CertiPUR-US Certified, 2-Inch features a more supportive, high-density foam for long-term use. It is infused with cooling gel which helps regulate body temperature. In addition, airflow through the gaps in the egg crate mattress topper removes excess heat and maintains a cool and breathable night’s sleep. Different zoning patterns provide the proper support across your entire body (head, shoulders, back, hips, legs, and feet) and can better adapt to the body curves, and relieve pain and discomfort at pressure points.
Bedding Matters
Another game-changer is choosing the right bedding. Opt for breathable materials like cotton or bamboo for sheets and pillowcases. They help wick away moisture and maintain a comfortable temperature.
Shilucheng 100% Cooling Bamboo Sheets Set- King Size 1800 Thread Count – Crafted from the finest 100% organic bamboo, these are the softest and silkiest sheet set you will ever find. These top-rated luxury sheets will transform your bedding into a luxurious retreat and feel like real silk for a dream glide on the skin. Pure bamboo fabric is naturally thermo-regulating to keep you cool and relaxed while you sleep and provides all season comfort. And, as an added bonus, the naturally cleansing bamboo sheets keep you sniffle-free from dust which makes them perfect for sensitive skin and for itchy, hot and sweaty sleepers. With over 5,500 ratings, these sheets are Amazon.com’s top sellers.
Your choice of bedclothes can also make a difference.
IF YOU RUN HOT – Natural is Not Always Better
The idea that natural fabrics are always superior doesn’t hold up in every scenario. Materials like cotton and linen are often favored for sleepwear because of their exceptional breathability and softness. However, they fall short in managing moisture. Natural fabrics have a tendency to absorb perspiration. Instead of allowing it to dissipate, they soak up the sweat, leaving your sleepwear damp and giving you the sensation of wearing a soggy blanket. So, if you tend to run hot, then polyester and silk have excellent wicking properties. And less is more for you, hot stuff. Minimal camis, slips, t-shirts and sleep shorts are the way to go.
SWOMOG Womens Silk Satin Pajamas Set Short Sleeve Button Down Sleepwear Loungewear 2 Pcs Pj Sets – This silk satin two-piece pajama set featuring short sleeve button down dress shirt collar, is a classic and Amazon.com’s bestselling silk satin set with over 14,000 ratings and an average of 4.3 stars out of 5. They’re soft and comfortable and come in a variety of styles from short to long, sleeves, no sleeves – they also make a set for men. They fit well, are comfortable, will keep you cool while sleeping and are washable.
IF YOU RUN COLD – Natural Fibers or Fleece?
To make sure you stay extra warm, materials such as wool, flannel or cotton are sure to keep you warm. Synthetic fabrics such as fleece can also be a great option. Consider investing in thermal nightwear for added warmth, and remember that long underwear isn’t just for camping. Add a pair of cozy bed socks to your outfit to keep your feet snug throughout the night and Bob’s your uncle. (And now, you’re also probably dressed like him. Kidding!)
LOMON Thermal Underwear for Women Ultra Soft Smooth Knit Henley Long Johns Set Base Layer Top & Bottom – Thermal underwear sets are breathable, comfortable and great to wear at home as pajamas or add an extra layer of warmth under your clothes as a base layer. The fabric gives you the needed warmth without thick or heavy layers. Ultra-soft and moisture wicking fabric that is 97% polyester and 3% spandex. High elasticity, no deformation and four-way stretch provide a wider range of size tolerance and make these suitable for people of different sizes and shapes.
VoJoPi Fuzzy Socks for Women, Size 5-10, 5 Pairs Warm Fluffy Winter Bed Socks – These fuzzy socks are made of premium fleece fabrics, which is soft, warm and comfortable. What makes these special is that they’re constructed with one more step called the “knotting” process, making them more durable and less likely to lose fluff keeping the bed, sofa, carpet, floor, etc. Their fluffy inner design will keep your feet warm and the breathable and soft fabric will also keep them comfortable all night long.
Ventilate and Regulate
Don’t forget the importance of room ventilation. Crack a window, use a fan, or adjust the thermostat to find the sweet spot. This way, you can create an environment that suits both the icicle and the furnace in your bed.
According to the Sleep Foundation, “The best room temperature for sleep is approximately 65 degrees Fahrenheit (18.3 degrees Celsius). This may vary by a few degrees from person to person, but most doctors recommend keeping the thermostat set between 60 to 68 degrees Fahrenheit (15.6 to 20 degrees Celsius) for the most comfortable sleep.”
Depending on where you live or the amount of control you have over the central heating and cooling, you may want to invest in a decent fan. And the best time to buy a fan is when you don’t think you’re going to need it very often. Once those hot summer highs hit, getting your hands on a cooling fan can be as difficult as getting tickets to the latest Taylor Swift tour.
Fans can cost as little as $18 for those old-school desk or table fan and as much as $800 for one of those high-end Dyson cooling/heating fans. For a fan that will stand the test of time and make a real difference in your room temperature without breaking the bank, consider purchasing one of these top sellers:
GoveeLife 36” Smart Tower Fan for Bedroom, Oscillating Fan with Temperature Auto-Reflect, Room Fan with 8 Speeds, 4 Modes, 24H Timer – Want smooth all-night sleep without waking too hot? This bedroom fan can auto-adjust fan speed based on the room’s temperature. You can activate it via Alexa and or Google assistant and with the the Govee Home App, you can control your fan remotely and never worry if you left home without turning it off. This is Amazon.com’s choice for best value with an average of 4.5 stars out of 5.
Portable Air Conditioners, Cooling fan Mini Air Conditioner Portable, 4 Wind Speed & 7 LED Light, 2 Cool Air Spray & 2-8H Timer, Personal Air Conditioner Portable air conditioners are equipped with a high-performance motor and a unique air-duct, 2 mist humidification holes, which are able to reduce the surrounding temperature to 45-50℉ within 2 seconds and provide you a powerful, cool, refreshing airflow. Moreover, you can also add cold water or ice cubes on top for a better cold breeze. And, I must admit I’m a fan (no pun intended) of that feature because in addition to being effective, it also looks pretty cool.
Sleeping Together Despite Disruptions
A friend recently had her fourth child (I know! She’s a rockstar) and posted a photo of her and her guy, along with their four kids all tangled up together in a mess of limbs on their bed with a caption that read, “Sometimes being a mom means sacrificing your side of the bed.”
I can relate. And I only share my bed with one adult, one child and a dog! Still, whether you’re sharing with just one other person, or with a bunch of kids and pets, the master bedroom can sometimes feel like a circus. You’ve got a guy who snores like a freight train, a cat on a mission to steal your pillow, and kids who’d rather have a slumber party with you and the dog than sleep solo.
But here’s the kicker: Despite all the sleep disruptions, many people are still choosing to share that bed. According to the Sleepopolis study, about 13.52% of respondents admitted that they don’t sleep as well with their partners and yet, they prefer snuggling up together than sleeping solo.
This paradox speaks volumes about the emotional connection we share with our partners, doesn’t it? Sometimes, the warmth of their presence and the comfort of being close outweigh the downsides of a restless night’s sleep. It’s like a nightly adventure with your favorite co-stars!
That said, if you’ve reached your limit and it feels like you’re starring in a never-ending sleep drama, there’s no shame in considering a “sleep divorce.”
Contrary to what you may think, a sleep divorce isn’t nearly as dramatic as it sounds. It’s simply opting to sleep in separate bedroom for the sake of your sanity and your sleep health. For more information on sleep divorces, check out the article I wrote on the subject a while back.
Expert Recommendation: Create a Sleep Sanctuary
Before you go down that path, though, there are some tricks of the trade to help you create a sleep environment that minimizes disruptions while still keeping your bedtime crew together.
First, think about upgrading to a larger mattress. A bigger bed means less motion transfer. So, when your partner, kid (or dog) tosses and turns, it’s less likely to feel like you’re riding a rollercoaster. If your room can accommodate it, a king-sized mattress can be a game changer.
Amazon.com’s top selling king sized mattress is the BedStory King Mattress, 12 Inch Pocket Coils Spring & Gel Memory Foam Mattress. This king hybrid mattress is constructed with 4 layers of memory foam, comfort foam topper and an individually wrapped springs base. This combination provides the just-right medium firm support for you. The Euro top design makes it easily conforms to your body shape, providing a comfortable position for every inch of your body weight. The cover of this king size mattress is made of dual-layered soft knitted fabrics, which is super breathable and skin-friendly.
If you’re looking for a real game changer, and you have a couple grand to spend, the Nectar California King Mattress 12 Inch is 2023’s top rated mattress according to Mattress Times. The medium firm gel memory foam mattress is made of medium firm gel memory foam cooling technology and you get a 365-night trial – that’s one whole year and four seasons, to try it out.
It’s So Loud in Here!
And finally, let’s talk about noise. Unless you’re a pro at tuning them out, a snoring partner, restless pets, sirens, traffic, noisy neighbors are all a serious sleep buzzkill.
Expert recommendation: Invest in a white noise machine.
White noise machines can be a game-changer for falling asleep and silencing those disruptive outside sounds. By generating a consistent, soothing background noise, they create a calming auditory environment that masks unwanted disturbances. A constant, gentle hum or white noise helps to shift your focus away from external disruptions, making it easier to relax and drift into a peaceful slumber.
Amazon’s Magicteam Sound Machine White Noise Machine with 20 Non-Looping Natural Soothing Sounds can work wonders in muffling those disruptions. White noise ,brown noise, pink noise, blue noise, fan, brook, rain, ocean,bird, bonfire – you name it, this sound machine has a sound that suitable for adults, kids and even babies. Set your machine to hum for 1 hour, 2, 3, 4, 5 or even for continuous play – you control the level and length of time the looping sounds will run.
If continuous noise, even the sweet sounds of babbling brooks, drives you around the bend, (I feel you) then earplugs are the way to go.
Find a Happy Medium
Sharing a bed with a partner can be a beautiful experience, but it often comes with its share of sleep disturbances. By adopting some of the above recommendations and creating a comfy sleep space for both of you, you’ll both enjoy a cozy night’s sleep without resorting to a blanket tug-of-war.
So, there you have it. While the bedroom may sometimes resemble a sitcom set, it’s all part of the adventure. If you decide to create a sleep sanctuary, just remember that it’s all about finding that balance between togetherness and tranquility.
So, stay cool, stay warm, and most importantly, stay cozy together in dreamland.
What’s your sleep pet peeve?