This past weekend my daughter and I left our self-isolation bubble for the first time in 10 weeks and spent two days at a dear friend’s house. She and her daughter have had no contact with the outside world since the beginning of the stay at home order and have been extra careful to follow self-isolation guidelines. So it felt…safe.
Our daughters are the same age and love each other like sisters. They are also both “onlys”, have missed each other dearly and have been dying to hang out with other kids. The girls had a wonderful time, and so did we. They played, we laughed, we hiked and best of all, we hugged. It was so nice to be able to hang out, and be together without the constant worry of breaking the 6-foot rule and of breathing anywhere each other. I haven’t seen my daughter that happy in weeks. Ten weeks.
Still, it wasn’t entirely carefree. Our first night there, I woke abruptly in the middle of the night from a nightmare where throngs of infected children walked zombie-like toward us, arms stretched out. They called out to my daughter while she struggled against my grip, desperate to join them. “I don’t care if they’re sick, Maman. I’m sooooo lonely. I just want to play with them. I won’t get sick. I promise. Just – Let. Me. Go!” And as ridiculous and over the top as it was in my dream, it scared the shit out of me because it felt entirely too plausible. Minus the zombie kids. (I’m mildly fixated on zombies.)
As I lay awake, my mind raced. Had we made the right decision in visiting our friends? What if we’re infected and asymptomatic? That would mean making everyone you come in contact with, sick. What if we inadvertently made them sick? I couldn’t live with myself. What if they’re asymptomatic and make us sick? Have I just doubled our chances of getting infected with Covid-19? This thing isn’t going away anytime soon. How the hell are we going to get through a whole summer of this, let alone another year?
I know we will get through this. But it’s not going to be easy. Slowly, but surely, people are coming out of social isolation. Not because the threat of catching Covid-19 is over, it’s far from over, but because we all need to earn money so we can keep our homes, save our businesses, feed our kids and, most importantly, because our collective mental health is really suffering.
So, we keep on keeping on. And we start taking calculated risks. Like expanding our bubbles, creating pods or “quaranteams”. In Canadian provinces like Newfoundland and New Brunswick as well as in New Zealand and the English Channel island of Guernsey, households are being officially encouraged to “double-bubble” for the sake of mental health.
That means their households are now free to choose to add another household to their pod and socialize freely amongst themselves. They have to agree on a set of rules, and essentially commit to only socializing with each other and not risk anyone’s health by going outside their combined bubbles.
Although it’s not an official directive here, families in LA and all over are beginning to do the same thing. Some have been doing it since the beginning of the stay at home orders.
A lovely family recently approached ours to discuss the possibility of becoming “quaranteam buddies”. I was at once excited, relieved and terrified at the idea. That would really make our lives easier. My daughter would have playmates, my husband and I would have adult company we enjoy, we could trade off parenting duties… I started daydreaming of running a pseudo day camp and where we would fill our kids’ days with fun and interesting learning experiences. Summer 2020 would be the best ever.
Then I remembered that even the most well-planned activities often backfire. That I am not a camp councillor. That three kids means that one almost always feels left out, that I will become that kid’s defacto playmate and that doubling up would mean adding the responsibility of the health and safety of even more people. Little, unpredictable people with a limited amount of impulse control. Yikes!
What am I thinking? I can’t take on the responsibility of entertaining more kids, can I? We live in a condominium! How long will it take before they tire of walking down to the beach and the wetlands? Or before my downstairs neighbors tire of the constant pitter patter of little feet on their ceiling? Could Coco and I still visit the friends we just spent two glorious days with or would we have to leave them out of the equation? They are so perfect for us… but live far from our home. They are part of our bubble. The smart thing to do would be to choose the status quo and have them as our only pandemic buddies but that won’t help our day to day. Coco would still be lonely most of the time, as would my friend’s daughter. But would it be fair to ask another family to accept that we add these two special friends to the mix? How on earth would that work? How many special friends would they be adding to the mix? It’s one thing to double your chances of catching the virus, but multiplying that risk by 4, 10 or 20 is another story altogether.
For some families, adding a bubble to their quaranteam is easy. They chose to include Grandma, Grandpa or a sibling and their kids and voilà! Bob’s your uncle and your pod-mate. The neighbors have kids and your kids are constantly fence-hopping. Done. You’re a team. You already have a family you hang out with all the time. Perfect. Make it official and exclusive. But it’s not always an easy decision. What if you have more than one sibling? And the one whose left out is offended you didn’t pick them and their kids? What if your mum and dad pick your brother’s family over yours?
Or what if, like me, you’re a bit of a commitment-phobe? To me choosing a family to team up with feels a lot like taking a relationship to the next level. “You want us to be … exclusive?” Gulp. That’s like your best friend suddenly telling you they want to be more than just friends. “What if it doesn’t work out? What if you decide you can’t stand to be around me that much? Or I decide I can’t stand to be around you that much? What if we – break-up?”
Seriously, all dating analogies aside, there are hard and fast rules to making a double-bubble work and they’re a lot like relationship rules. You need to have guidelines everyone abides by and ensure everyone’s expectations are laid out at the beginning. That sounds doable. Doesn’t it?
So, while I struggled to find sleep, I came up with a list of questions for potential pod mates before we decide to “tie the knot”.
How often will the kids hang out? With summer right around the corner, and no summer camps other than virtual ones, kids are going to have lots of time on their hands. Do you want them hanging out every single weekday? Some evenings and weekends, too?
What level of parental involvement are you looking for?Will this be a case of I take the kids Monday, Tuesday, you take them Wednesday, Thursday and we all hang out Friday? Are you expecting curated activities at home, can they just hang out and fend for themselves or would you rather I take them to places like the beach? And speaking of the beach, some people are choosing to break the rules and setting up blankets to hang out in one spot. In fact, there were so many people at the beach when I drove by it this weekend, I’m beginning to think walking the beach to look at seashells and starfish might not be an option anymore.
How long is a drop off?This may seem like a no-brainer to you, but it might not be obvious to someone else. While my idea of a drop off is a 4 to 6-hour day max, my potential podmates may decide to drop their kids off at 8:30 a.m. when they’re headed to work, and only pick up their precious angels after 6 p.m.
How strict are you with your kids regarding masks? And about the 6-foot rules around strangers?I make my daughter wear a mask every time we leave the house and I’m constantly monitoring how close she stands to other people. Other people might find that excessive. What do you expect the children to do?
Who else are you seeing? This is an important one.You need full disclosure. About everyone. I want to know if you’re seeing your nana, and dropping groceries off to the lady next door and that you visit your mum and dad. Even if those people are 100% isolating and that, as far as you’re concerned, they don’t count because they are not putting you (or me and my family) at risk. Doesn’t mean it’s a deal breaker. We just have to be 100% honest with each other.
Is anyone working outside the home? I know, I know. We are all being super careful. Still, if you’re in my pod, I want to know.
Do you wash and disinfect all food that comes in from the grocery store? That is super important to some people, and not to others. I wash everything. It’s not a deal breaker, but why not do it if it can potentially lower the risk of infection?
Do you take your kids to public places?What’s okay and not okay in your family? There’s no right or wrong answer here, I just need to know. I will not take your kids inside stores with narrow aisles. In fact, I wouldn’t take them into any stores. Don’t take mine there. But my daughter and I do walk the neighbors’ dogs. (She set up a dog-walking business to spend time with other people’s pets.)
Want to have a two-week trial period, no hard feelings if it doesn’t work out?Let’s face it. Our kids may love seeing each other once or twice a week but turning their twice-a-week dance, soccer, rock band buddies into their only buddies might not work so well.
So, while I toss and turn in the middle of the night, I think about growing our bubble…and I’m still thinking. We haven’t committed to any one family yet. And I think we’re going to hold off as long as we can. I’m not advocating that you run out and start hanging out with another family or household. It’s risky business and each pod has to decide if the pros outweigh the cons where their family is concerned. Still, I am curious to know how other families are approaching this. Are you considering opening up your bubble to another family? What are you concerned about? And if you already have a quaranteam, how’s it going? Any advice to share?