Dealing with Your Children’s Nightmares: Helpful Tips for Parents

Our 10-year old daughter crawled into our bed this morning. “I had a nightmare”, she whispered softly, before snuggling up to me and falling asleep. I was surprised at how big she’s getting and reminded that our little girl is growing up. She hasn’t had a nightmare or crawled into our bed in months. Something that used to happen almost nightly when she was a toddler.

Last night’s nightmare was dispatched pretty quickly with a few cuddles and soft reassurances but it wasn’t always this easy. Nightmares are a common occurrence for many children, and can be a source of fear and distress for both the child and the parents especially when you wake up to screams or terror and have to calm a hysterical child at 2 a.m.

Here’s what you need to know about children’s nightmares and how to help your child deal with them.

At What Age Do Children Start Having Nightmares?

Children can start having nightmares as early as 2 years old, and it’s common for them to continue to have them up until the age of 10.  As they grow and develop, the frequency and intensity of these nightmares usually decreases. This is due to a number of factors, including increased emotional maturity, the ability to cope with stress and fear, and a greater understanding of the distinction between reality and dreams.

However, it’s important to note that everyone is different and some children may continue to have nightmares well into their teenage years or even adulthood.

Common Nightmare Causes

Nightmares are often triggered by stress, anxiety, and fears, but can also be caused by fever, medication, and sleep deprivation. They can also be influenced by what a child has seen, heard or experienced during the day.

The American Psychological Association (APA) reports that children may experience “anxiety, depression, and behavioral problems” in response to stressors such as natural disasters, political turmoil, and pandemics. Additionally, the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) notes that exposure to traumatic events, such as natural disasters, can lead to increased symptoms of anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which may include nightmares.

Needless to say, with the global pandemic, race riots, war in Ukraine, school shootings and the myriad of natural disasters we’ve experienced these past few years, our children’s lives have been rife with turmoil (even if you try to shield them from the worst of it, kids talk and hear things) and all of these events have contributed to increased levels of stress and anxiety in our children, which in turn increased the likelihood of nightmares.

Make Your Child Feel Safe

To prevent nightmares, it’s crucial to create a safe and comfortable sleep environment for your child. This can include a cozy bed, a night light, and a consistent bedtime routine. Encourage your child to talk about their fears and worries, and validate their emotions by listening and offering support.

Products and Activities to Keep the Monsters Away

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Monster Spray

Or Make Your Own:

Homemade “Monsters Keep Out” Spray

Making a homemade Lavender-scented Monster Spray is a fun and easy way to help promote relaxation and calm before bedtime and to involve your kids in making the spray “potion” that will keep the monsters away.

Ingredients:

1 cup distilled water (Distilled water is recommended because it is chemical free. Bottled water or even tap water can also be used.)

1 cup witch hazel

20 drops of lavender essential oil

1 sprinkle extra fine fairy dust (ultra fine glitter powder also works)

Dark glass spray bottle (to protect the essential oils from light. It’s important to use glass spray bottles. Plastic bottles won’t preserve the essential oil as well.)

Instructions:

Combine the distilled water and witch hazel in a mixing bowl.

Add 20 drops of lavender essential oil to the mixture and stir well.

Add a pinch of fairy dust to the mixture and stir well

Pour the mixture into a dark glass spray bottle.

Have your child draw “No Monsters!” or a picture of a monster with a huge red “x” across it the bottle label and stick it on. And voilà, your monsters away spray is ready!

Make sure to shake the bottle well before each use to ensure that the essential oils are evenly distributed. Spray a light mist over your pillow and sheets before bedtime to help promote relaxation, calm and keep the monsters and nightmares away.

Note: It is always important to test essential oils on a small patch of skin before using them on a larger scale, especially if you have sensitive skin. Additionally, make sure to use pure, therapeutic-grade essential oil to ensure maximum benefits.

Dream Catchers

In some Native American and First Nations cultures, a dreamcatcher is a handmade willow hoop, on which is woven a net or web. It is most often decorated with sacred items such as feathers or beads. Traditionally, dreamcatchers were hung over a cradle or bed as protection.  Their purpose is to protect sleepers, especially children, from bad dreams, nightmares and evil spirits.

Dream catchers were adopted in the Pan-Indian Movement of the 1960s and 1970s and gained popularity as widely marketed “Native crafts items” in the 1980s. These days, they come in all colors and sizes and their web, no longer always circular, can also be star or moon-shaped and may  include lights, butterflies, or even dinosaurs.

Buy One:

Macrame Dream Moon Dream Catcher with Lights – This handmade macrame dream catcher with a moon decor ornament is made from 100% cotton macramé cord rope. Its color is natural ensuring the color of the dream catcher will never fade and it lights up doubling as a great nightlight.

IF you’re looking for something a little more whimsical, kids’ dream catchers are available pink, blue, even green.

Make Your Own:

Most DIY Dreamcatcher making kits for kids are either marketed to girls or boys with colors traditionally associated with each sex. I did find a few gender-neutral ones, too, listed below.

DIY Dreamcatcher. This girls’ arts and crafts kit will unleash your daughter’s creativity while guiding her through crafting her own beautiful dream catcher all the while keeping monsters at bay. Intended for children 8+ but a great activity to do with your child at any age.

I really like this turquoise DIY Dreamcatcher Kit. It contains all the accessories so all you need is glue and scissors. The colors (turquoise and brown) and the feathers are beautiful. Its colors and look is more gender neutral and could appeal to anyone. If you’ve never made a dreamcatcher before, definitely watch a few YouTube videos before. By all accounts, this one’s tricky to make if you don’t know what you’re doing.

And the JeogYong DIY Moon Dream Catcher Macrame Kit is also a great option. You get a complete dreamcatcher craft kit, which includes some white beads, 1 moon dream catcher metal hoop rings, one roll of 3mm macramé cord and one needle and thread. It also comes in 12 different colors.

Blessing Your Dreamcatcher

Once you’ve decided where to hang your dream catcher, it’s time to perform the ceremony that will enable it to work properly in your child’s room. Regardless of your personal beliefs, children benefit greatly from rituals. When children have bedtime rituals, weekend rituals, or holiday traditions, they can be comfortable about the stability in their life. And when they engage in family rituals, they know they matter and that they belong. So taking their fear of monsters seriously enough to perform a smudging ceremony, will mean the world to them.

While the sage is burning, offer up a prayer for your dreamcatcher and what you wish for it to bless your home. Become one with the dreamcatcher and allow yourself to visualize that the it is there to protect your child. End your ceremony by thanking your dreamcatcher. You’re now ready to place it in the chosen spot.

Reassurance Is Key

If your child wakes up from a nightmare, it’s important to reassure them and make them feel safe. Hold them, offer comfort, and talk to them about their dream. You can also help them process their feelings by asking them to talk about their dream or to draw a picture of it.

Empower Your Child

It’s also important to emphasize that nightmares are not real and cannot harm them. Encourage your child to develop a sense of control over their dreams by suggesting that they try to change the outcome of the nightmare next time they have one.

Activity for Taming or Vanquishing Monsters

1. Draw a picture of the monster in your nightmare. What kind of hero could defeat this monster?  What would you need to defeat it? Draw yourself and your magic sword (or monster spray) defeating the monster.

This dream journal provides 100 6×9 pages ready to be filled with notes, drawings, and stories. Keeping a dream journal is a great way to help children learn to process and understand their dreams.    Each page provides a date field, four faces to indicate the feelings elicited by the dream, a lined section to summarize the dream, and a blank drawing field for sketches or doodles. Ideal for younger children and pre-readers, parents can help fill in written details beneath the child’s drawing.

This Too Shall Pass

Nightmares are a normal part of a child’s development, but they can be scary and distressing. As a parent, you play a crucial role in helping your child cope with these nightmares by creating a safe and comfortable sleep environment, listening to their fears, and offering reassurance after a nightmare. With patience, understanding and support, you can help your child overcome their nightmares and develop a sense of control over their dreams.

If your tween or teenaged child is still having frequent nightmares, it may be helpful to consult a doctor or a mental health professional for further guidance. While nightmares are a normal part of a child’s development, their frequency and intensity should decrease as children grow and mature.

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