Trying to Find the Words

In early March, parents and educators all over the world, had the important and challenging task of educating our children about the coronavirus, explaining what it means to be living through a global pandemic and teaching them how to protect themselves and others from the deadly virus.

And within days, what started as added precautions and more hand washing soon meant pulling kids out of school, shutting down workplaces and businesses and sending everyone home to isolate themselves from others to limit the spread of Covid-19. And at that point, what had been something that was happening to people on the other side of the world became very real to all of us. 

We taught our children that we have to socially isolate and wear masks to protect not just ourselves, but, most importantly, to protect others. We tried to explain the severity of the situation so they understand that everyone is at risk all the while trying to not completely freak them out. There’s a delicate balance between being as honest as possible and getting the message across that this disease that can affect anyone and that some of the people we know and love could die if we’re not careful. I held my daughter as she cried herself to sleep. 

Now, almost three months later, as the death toll in the US alone has tipped over 100,000 and that living with a global pandemic has become our new normal, we are faced with trying to make sense of and explain an even worse atrocity. 

A week ago, George Floyd, an unarmed, innocent black man and father of three, died after a police officer knelt on his neck for nearly nine minutes. The officer’s colleagues stood by and watched as Floyd rasped, “I can’t breathe.” Floyd died shortly after. He DIED at the hands of the police, the people sworn to serve and protect. No words can do justice to the level or horror, anger and despair Floyd’s senseless death has caused.

Now the US is on fire both literally and figuratively. Anger and grief over Floyd’s death triggered protests that spread through the country, culminating in both peaceful demonstrations and violent, fiery clashes between police. Our news feeds (and our streets) are filled with trucks being plowed through crowds of protesters, businesses and buildings going up in flames, widespread injuries of civilians and police officers and as a result, at least 40 cities imposed curfews, and the National Guard has been activated in 15 states and Washington.

How do you even begin to explain that to an eight-year-old child? How do you tell her that racism is real? That too many people still live in fear every day because of the color of their skin? That they are discriminated against, racially profiled, harassed and beaten by police officers – those same police officers we’ve taught her to go to if she’s ever lost and scared.  And, worst of all, how do we tell her that Floyd’s death last week, was just another in a series of senseless deaths?

And as much as we would like to shelter our children from all of this, trying to pretend it didn’t happen is not the answer. As a privileged, middle-aged white woman I felt completely out of my depth trying to explain years of inequality, anger and distress and yet, I did, because the only way attitudes can change is by facing them head on. I scoured the web for resources to help me find the right words and I explained to my daughter that peaceful protest is important, that the flames and destruction were caused by looters taking advantage of the situation to cause chaos, and that change, real change, begins with each and every one of us. 

My daughter was upset and horrified. Although she knows in theory that people have been treated unfairly because of the color of their skin, she had no idea to what extent racial discrimination is still rampant. She does now. We shared a moment of silence for George Floyd’s family and as she and I listed the names of all the beautiful people of color we love – it’s a long list that includes many close friends and beloved teachers – we vowed to do better. 

I saw this post on Facebook, you’ve probably seen it, too. It really resonated with me and so I repost it here:

As for explaining the importance of peaceful protests to my daughter, and the years of inequality and racism that led to the events of the past few days, here are links to articles and resources I found helpful. 

How to talk to children about racism, police brutality, and protests in the wake of George Floyd’s death

How to talk to your children about protests and racism

Racism and Violence: How to Help Kids Handle the News

How to Educate your Children on Riots & Protests

Your Kids Aren’t Too Young to Talk about Race

31 Children’s books to support conversations on race, racism and resistance

Do your children know and understand what’s going on? What have you shared? Have any good resources (links to books, articles, videos) to add to my list? This is a conversation I feel like we’re going to have again with our children and, sadly, probably our grandchildren, too.